Fires of Our Choosing by Eugene Cross

Author:Eugene Cross
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fires of our Choosing
ISBN: 9781936873296
Publisher: Dzanc Books
Published: 2012-08-14T04:00:00+00:00

Come August

COMB THE TANGLES from the neighbor girl’s hair being careful not to tug too hard. You don’t want her telling her mom, who’s good friends with your mom, that you’re a bad sitter.

Let the sun bronze your back and think about Jason. Last night at the bonfire, did he look at Lauren the way he used to look at you? Promise yourself not to care, then break that promise all day long.

Keep an eye on your sister as she chases Einstein across the dry grass, swatting at his tail. Already you feel the neighbor girl pulling away, her tiny body straining to break free. You let her go and she runs down the slope of the yard, arms flailing like she’s on fire. Watch her shadow your sister, who at three is a few months older and the leader. In the summer, when you’re there to babysit, they spend every day together. It’s the middle of June and already they can’t stand to be apart. Watch them disappear into the playhouse with Einstein trailing them, the glutton for punishment that he is. They swing the door shut behind them.

Far below you, at the edge of your yard is the pond your stepfather built and stocked with bass. It’s the hottest day of the year and you wish your mom was here to watch the girls so you could have a swim. Stare hard enough at the short wooden pier and it seems to sway. Sometimes you sit there at night, your feet invisible below the dark water, and stare at the sky, imagining yourself in other places. Be grateful you don’t live in the city. In the city you’re never alone.

Ignore the pounding in your head and check your phone for missed calls. Nothing. It’s almost noon. Four hours until your mom gets home and you’re free. Four hours until your real day begins. The girls toddle out of the playhouse bare-chested and giggling wildly. A moment later Einstein walks out with two pink tank tops stretched taut across his long brown body. They have dressed him before, in skirts and scarves and printed T-shirts. But still, he comes out looking surprised, red eyes wide, ears straight up, as though he was not expecting this.

Dress the squirming girls and lead them inside through the open garage for lunch. Close the back door behind you and feel the cooler air cover your skin. In the kitchen, make two PB & Js with your grandma’s strawberry preserves and cut off the crusts. It’s still too hot to eat and the girls make excuses before you finally give in and hand them each a push pop from the freezer. Smile when they hug your legs with the type of gratitude that only little kids can show and then watch as they paint their faces a sticky orange.

Look, Megan, the neighbor girl says smiling. Lipstick.

Throw the barely touched sandwiches in the trash and take the girls back outside. Make them stand there while you rub suntan lotion onto their warm skin.

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